Alliances Outside Community
A Serious Concern
(The article has been published in “KOSHUR SAMACHAR, Delhi” in its
October 2004 issue with some minor changes)
Another unfortunate development that has put the KP community on
crossroads in the post-migration period is the alliances of our youth outside
community. It is no secret that the new trend is working overtime in cutting the
roots of our cherished cultural heritage.
Kashmiri Hindu culture has its roots deeply embedded in a history of
thousands of years. Being almost detached from the rest of India for her
difficult inaccessible location and environment Kashmir has developed for the
last thousands of years a unique culture of her own almost unaffected by the
changes in the rest of the world. Though the later Persian and other Muslim
impacts changed the face of the valley tremendously by forcible conversions of
her people and religious installations, surprisingly, the left over Hindu
population has retained its distinct way of life and habits despite all pulls
and pressures, though a microscopic minority. The majority Muslims haven’t
probably challenged the authenticity of the distinct Hindu way of life, being
recent converts and emotionally attached to these principles.
Now after the mass displacement of the community around 1990 outside the
bounds of Kashmir valley our children both boys and girls are coming in direct
contact with non-Kashmiri youth along with whom they get educated and are put to
work to earn their living. The elders, mostly confined to the four walls of
their new-found quarters, try to stick to their old customs, habits and the ways
of life they are accustomed to. It has given rise to extensive colonies of KP
establishments in Jammu, Delhi and other cities where they have had a chance to
settle down. The recent years that passed saw our small children grow into
adulthood in an alien environment, interacting strongly with strangers and
getting influenced deeply in their language, eating habits and emotional
patterns. The age-old KP culture and heritage remained in the backseat of the
vehicle of their lives and the outcome that has especially started shattering
the very foundations of this community are the frequent instances of outside
community alliances in the form of the marriages of our kids outside the KP
realm.
These youth can be easily absolved of the blame as it is a natural phenomenon
with them because they are brought up in an alien environment with minimum
impact of specific Kashmir Hindu culture being out of the bounds of their
original habitat firstly because of the recent displacement and secondly in
respect of their education and the work-place environment but the point here to
consider is how these emotional outbursts of the youngsters of our community
affect the course of their future lives.
A KP girl if married in a non-Kashmiri household instantly loses her specific
identity and becomes part of an alien culture. In case of a joint family the
things go catastrophic immediately because our daughter cannot change instantly
to adapt herself to the new environment which is diametrically different by way
of eating habits, social interactions, customs, language, day to day dealings
with elders and guests. As such she is unable to fulfill the aspirations and
expectations of her parents-in-law and their relatives and so the glamour of
their young married life fades away very soon giving rise to feuds between the
husband and the wife and others. Thus immediately the relations get embittered
for the young couple as the boy can neither take the side of his parents nor his
wife and the worst aspect of the matter is that the girl cannot complain before
her parents as the choice of the marriage was only hers, not her parents.
Things are better in case it is a husband and wife unit living separately
apart from the other members of family but not essentially satisfying, as again
the interaction of the girl with other relatives on her in-laws side cannot be
comfortable because of the huge cultural gap that exists between the families as
the customs and the way of performing ceremonies vary to the extent that there
is a sure possibility of bitterness in the relations. And who is ultimately the
victim? First the girl and second her parents. Now, in case of the marriage of a
non-KP girl with a KP boy, the total fabric of the household is shattered as a
result of the differences of tastes in eating, dressing, manners, etiquette and
language. From the very first day of the marriage the daughter-in-law
experiences complete isolation as a result of a quite different environment in
the house of her in-laws to which she is not accustomed. She cannot adjust with
them even with difficulty because she is alien to everything that is the usual
activity in the KP household.
The change puts her into extreme emotional depression and the result is that
she rebuffs and there are frequent clashes on mere trifles and the family
breakups very soon. All the expectations of the parents from their son are
shattered. The unfortunate boy is sandwiched between the expectations of his
young wife and the duties towards his parents.
Modern KP youth, mostly a product of Maharashtra Technical Education, get
usually involved emotionally during studies there and end up in getting married
contrary to the wishes of their parents. They have a very strong argument in
support of their relations and alliances. They argue that their KP background
cannot affect their future life as they have got used to non-Kashmiri culture,
foods and ways of life being out of home for a long time. The new relation as
they feel further would be capable to make them financially sound than
otherwise. Little do they imagine that alliances like marriage are not simple
short term agreements and thus cannot to be broken easily. Matrimonial alliances
do not get only the boy and the girl together but make a permanent bond between
the two families for all social interactions. These contacts cannot be avoided
because of the Indian tradition of deep social intercourse between relatives and
friends on frequent occasions like marriages and other social gatherings. The
deep cultural chasm that exists especially between a KP and the Hindus of the
plains cannot be ignored so easily for such alliances. The bonds of KP culture
are full of various intricacies which cannot be easily adopted by a non-Kashmiri
nor are all these capable to be shunned away simply. The modern youth must
understand that these alliances are a result of hasty emotional outbursts of raw
minds without any serious thought and hence liable to invite serious
implications.
This author would definitely like to invite serious arguments in this context
from the youth especially defending the cause, if any. It is not out of place to
mention here that matrimonial alliances between Punjabi, Gujarati, Marathi,
Bengali and Rajasthani families or the like except KPs can definitely be
comfortable with a minor adjustment and would as such not pose any major problem
for the youth concerned and their families because their individual cultures and
ways of life are easily accommodating with each other. The unique KP culture
with patterns of strange hues is very difficult to be compromised. The
development has, as such, proved detrimental to the sacred matrimonial ties and
the subtle cultural heritage of Kashmiri Pandits.
The long talks and discussions currently going on about the preservation of
our cherished cultural heritage outside the bounds of Kashmir is proving futile
without showing serious concern on these out of the community alliances. Giving
a daughter outside the community means loosing a KP family along with all
traditions and customs. Getting in a non-Kashmiri girl as a daughter-in-law is
to deprive the household of all Kashmiri flavour and cherished values. The
protagonists of the preservation of Kashmir culture do not seem to show any
serious concern towards this fatal development which is cutting deep the roots
of our so-called heritage. All of us seem to be helpless in the hands of our
erring youth who repent at leisure on having a taste of the impacts of these
hasty alliances. Time is not far when instances of breaking such alliances along
with others will boost up but the damage caused by them would have taken the
toll of many households shattered to pieces and left many erroneous youth
suffering enormously.
JAWAHAR LAL BHAT
B-3, ASHIANA Apartments,
SECTOR-46, FARIDABAD, HARYANA
CONTACT
NO: 0129-4096114
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